i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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