I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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