You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
