wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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