I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
