k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
