If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
