new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
