im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
