is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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