come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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