By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
