I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
