covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
