I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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