You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
