Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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