Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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