I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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