3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
