Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
