shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are we still banned from the library?
I need moral support for this bender
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
