she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
