I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
