I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
