Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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