I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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