So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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