can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
