I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
