did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
