Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
