So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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