she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
