Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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