she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
