In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
