we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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