I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
