my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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