I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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