I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
