I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
