i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
