I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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