How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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