After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
