I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
