smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Randomize
