East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
