meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
