I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Swine flu. Run for my life!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
