Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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