I hate all girls vehemently.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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