my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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