He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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