so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
